As I previously mentioned, my oldest has autism. Just a few things I'd like to say on the subject. NOT ALL CHILDREN ON THE SPECTRUM ARE THE SAME. Look, I know I'm yelling, but hell, I'm getting so tired of people on all sides. As a parent you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. I very rarily go to autism sites on the web because people are SO nasty or militant. Everyone thinks they have the answer and their answer is the only one. People for or against biomedical treatments, people who think you're abusing your child if you vaccinate, people who think you're abusing your child if you
don't vaccinate. Do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that.
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Woe-is-me-ers - If you make your life only about autism and how horrible it's been for you, you will alienate yourself and make living joyless. I understand the fear and grief you go through when your child is going through evaluations and is ultimately diagnosed with ASD. One day you have certain dreams and expectations and the next they are altered significantly. Grieve for those dreams, you deserve it; however, at some point you've got to wipe the tears away and get to work. We don't do our amazing children any good by wallowing in self-pity. Remember, we can and should still have dreams and expectations.
"I am so sorry." Don't be, I'm not. This is a common response when I tell someone Xander has autism. I understand that it can be very uncomfortable for people and they have no idea what to say. Don't say "I'm sorry." My child is not a tragedy. Ask me questions. I have no problem discussing ASD. I want people to be informed. Xander has autism; however that's not what he is. He is a phenomenal reader, hates math, is a great cuddler, can tell you the make and model of any car. He is beautiful, he has a sense of humor, he loves to be tickled. He is sweet and wonderful. He teases his brother, ON PURPOSE.
"Why aren't/are you doing Gluten Free/Casein Free?" Tried it, didn't work. Xander doesn't have gut issues. There are many it works for, but NOT EVERYBODY.
"Must've been the vaccines that did it." Nope, try again. Xander is not vaccine injured; he has infantile autism, not regressive. Looking back at videos of him as an infant, I can see signs as early as 5-6 months. I do believe there are children that maybe vaccine injured but not ALL of them.
"Make sure you give him supplements." Tried it, worked a little, he stopped eating and drinking certain things because he suspected the supplements were in it so what's the point? Plus, they're very expensive, upwards of hundred bucks a month.
"You need to chelate." We did it. Had some results, nothing life changing.
"What has worked for you?" I understand that many people out there are all about biomedical treatments, but they really didn't do much for us. I gotta say, the most effective treatment we've done is
Berard AIT. We saw changes within 24 hrs and are still seeing improvements. The increase in his language skills and eye contact is amazing. Facial expression recognition therapy was another treatment that helped a lot. He is much better at recognizing peoples emotions. The treatments that seem to work best for him are those that involve interaction with other people, for example, OT, speech therapy, being in an inclusion classroom.
I'm not looking for a cure for my boy. I really like him the way he is. I love the way he flaps and jumps when he's excited. This means he's happy. I just want to give him, to the best of my and his ability, the skills that will carry him through a happy and productive life. Isn't that what any of us want?
People can tell me what I should or shouldn't do, but in the end, I'll do it my way, thank you very much.
What do I want for Christmas? This is going to be short and sweet: I want to sleep-in, I want a nap in the middle of the day and a nice glass or two (or maybe three) of red wine while putting my feet up and admiring my tree. That's right, it's all about what I want for once.
Every year an amazing group travels around the country and world to provide people with autism and their families a fantastic day at the beach. The group is called Surfers Healing. It is made up of incredible volunteers who do everything from checking people in to taking people with autism surfing. The families and their children are treated with respect. It's a safe haven where there are no judgements, only love, joy and acceptance. For more information on Surfers Healing, click on the picture of Xander and Izzy from 2008.
One of my big pet peeves is someone using his/her child's autism as an excuse for bad behavior. There's a difference between misbehaving and autistic behavior. Xander was misbehaving when he fought, kicking and screaming, eating in the kitchen. He reacted with autistic behavior, which was self-injury. I'm not doing Xander any good by letting him get away with things because of the way he might react. I still made him eat at the table last night and today knowing he may have an adverse reaction. It can be very difficult because I hate it when he has a melt-down. I still stick to my guns.
Tina Nealon Ilapit is a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and my cousin. She has been with the love of her life, Bruce, since she was 13. They celebrate their 20th anniversary this year. She has 2 beautiful children, Quinn, who will be 11 in a few days and Laina, who is 9. She is beautiful, generous and a joy to be around. 
Hey all. I know, I'm a very lazy girl. I don't have much to say right now. Just wanted to remind everyone that April is Autism Awareness Month. Here's the link to the Autism Society of America : http://www.autism-society.org/ . You can find information on chapters local to your community here. I recommend you attend a function in your area if you can. You'll see how amazing these people are. 
Before you read on, I must warn you, I very rarely censor myself. This means I write without thought for delicate sensibilities. This is not the blog for you if you're offended by occasional potty humor or crassness. I'm not saying that I'll be dropping "F-bombs" or talking about bodily functions constantly, I'm just saying it's going to happen sometimes and probably without warning or apology. Stop shaking your head Mama.
Spencer, obviously, is the soon to be 4 year old. He is also very sweet; however, he is also VERY mischievous. He is smarter than me, much smarter. I have to remind myself that he is 4. I also feel the need to protect him, most often from himself. He is also beautiful and tall. There is no name for the color of his eyes. They are blue and/or green and/or gray and/or golden. Sometimes they are all four. His hair is blond and uncontrollable, often like him. He is charming and loves everyone he meets. He has no preconceptions other than the expectation that you will love him as much as he loves you. He is quick to show you his "cool tricks". He is my entertainer.
Really I have nothing of great value to discuss. I figure I can use this blog to organize my often chaotic thoughts on whatever. 
