Autism is not an excuse...

Xander was puh-issed at me yesterday morning. We made the decision that he needed to start eating in the kitchen (which he hasn't done in over a year). He kicked, screamed and then tried to injure himself, first with a pen, then with his toast and finally by hitting himself. Not happy in the least. He finally calmed down some and ate his breakfast while bitching the whole time. I was so happy when the school bus came. Thank goodness he has a wonderful bus driver who won't let him get away with anything.

One of my big pet peeves is someone using his/her child's autism as an excuse for bad behavior. There's a difference between misbehaving and autistic behavior. Xander was misbehaving when he fought, kicking and screaming, eating in the kitchen. He reacted with autistic behavior, which was self-injury. I'm not doing Xander any good by letting him get away with things because of the way he might react. I still made him eat at the table last night and today knowing he may have an adverse reaction. It can be very difficult because I hate it when he has a melt-down. I still stick to my guns.

I never punish Xander for sensory reactions. He can't handle certain sounds and he can't control that. I love that he flaps and spins when he's happy or excited. He can, however, control how close he gets to people or how loudly he speaks. I just need to remind him, nicely but firmly, that he shouldn't touch people he doesn't know or yell loudly about how the boy in the next aisle needs a time-out (which I think is hilarious, but I don't let him know that). I wouldn't let Spencer get away with such behaviors so why should I let Xander?

I'm sorry if this seems like a lecture; I live in an area with a large autism community and there are parents that allow their children to get a way with anything because they have autism. I understand it's hard, BELIEVE me, I do; however, letting a child grab people's food or throw things on the floor at a store because one is afraid of his/her child's reaction is rewarding bad behavior. A neurotypical child will do the same thing if they think they can get away with it with no repercussions. I absolutely agree with Temple Grandin that teaching a child good manners is one of the most important things you can do for him or her.
 
Xander ate dinner in the kitchen last night and for breakfast this a.m. with no fight. He was a little annoyed when we made him wait 'til everyone else was done before excusing him.

Pray for Tina

Tina Nealon Ilapit is a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and my cousin. She has been with the love of her life, Bruce, since she was 13. They celebrate their 20th anniversary this year. She has 2 beautiful children, Quinn, who will be 11 in a few days and Laina, who is 9. She is beautiful, generous and a joy to be around.

She is fighting for her life.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 24 and again at 31. The first time took a lump, the second time took both her breasts. The threat of cancer returning took her ovaries and uterus. In May of this year, it took a good chunk of her liver when she was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. She is 39. Cancer has been stealing pieces of her for the last 15 years. She has suffered through all of this with dignity and grace. Her thoughts are for her family and friends.

Here is my request to you:

Pray for Tina

Pray for her family, pray for her friends. It doesn't matter if you're religious or not, good thoughts go a long way for healing. You might not know her, but she could be your mother, your sister, your daughter, your wife, your cousin. She is in the hospital right now fighting and needs all the positive energy she can get. Her body may be frail, but her will is strong. She is amazing and I love her.

Update 2/19/11:
Tina passed away yesterday evening surrounded by her family. Thank you for all the well wishes.

Surfers Healing 5k Fundraiser

Surfers Healing is non-profit organization that offers a free day of surfing to those with autism. It is funded solely by donations and is run by AMAZING volunteers. The families are treated with dignity and love. Our 7yr old son, Xander, has participated in the camp 3x and this will be his 4th. We have been so grateful to this day of non-judgement, where Xander can be himself and people actually celebrate his awesome quirks. Please donate if you're able.

Update:
I was able raise $720. Thank you so much for all your support.

Tip a Cop

Hey all. I know I haven't been great about blogging. Lots going on.

My cousin, Tina, has stage four cancer and there's a fundraiser going on to help her and her family. Her husband, Bruce is a police officer and his fellow officers have come together to help. Please watch the story below and help if you can.

http://www.wavy.com/dpp/news/local_news/chesapeake/police-wait-tables-for-tips

A Better View of Xander's Progress

I know, I know. More video? Yes. This is actually a better look at Xander's progress over the last year. It's pretty drastic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptHwUsSf5tI

Lights, Camera, Xander!

I've started to document Xander's progress over the last few months. I'll be adding more from his earlier years. He can't have a true conversation with anyone;however, he's getting better at answering questions with complete sentences.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgS5XGdgo6U

The Frisbee Apocalypse

My conversation with Spencer last night:


Spencer: "Frisbees are bad guys you need to hit with a bat or they'll eat your eyeballs and you become a frisbee."

Me: "You mean zombies?"

Spencer: "Oh, you're right, zombies."
 
I fear for my child's survival in the coming zombie apocalypse